WILL YOU EVER REMEMBER ME?
by GoldAngel2
Summary: I can't cry...but if you were here, I might be able to. An anguished Sousuke reflects on the tragedies and failures that keep him and Kaname apart...major spoilers for the novels.


_Author's Note: This is not my typical Valentines fare it's something that sprang forth from the acute way that the last six novels touched me as I read and re-read them but it's considered a romance because Sousuke is pouring out his heart to Kaname in absentia. It's loaded with spoilers (especially for Continuing On My Own and Burning One Man Force) and written from the way Sousuke appeared to me in the novels, far more emotional and complex then he's portrayed in the anime series and translated licensed manga and if you read between Gatou's very concisely crafted lines you can see the profound and enormous love Sousuke has for Kaname. It's written in first person as I perceived his anguish after what happened at the end of "Approaching Nick of Time." This incredible series and its characters are not mine, they are the result of the talented mind of the amazing Shouji Gatou and the lyrics to "Once I Was" are by the late folk artist Tim Buckley. _

_Side note: Thanks to two reviewers Sakura Fanelia and Crystal Okamino who supplied me with clearer information regarding Sousuke's childhood and bond with Kalinin. Because canon accuracy is a priority, especially in a story like this the section now reflects the proper facts...thanks ladies---:) _

**WILL YOU EVER REMEMBER ME?**

"That idiot! But I love him!" Melissa Mao's words shattered the veneer of tough shell she always wore like battle armor and she crumpled in my arms, sobbing brokenheartedly…

"I know," is all I can say as I allow her to grieve Kurz's death. He died saving me and Tessa from being killed by Amalgam's master sniper…his mentor Wilhelm "the Ghost" Casper by delivering the one shot in a million death blow. Wounded fatally he used his last breath to save us as we escaped that abandoned and destroyed Russian city that held the origins of what created the Whispereds.

Mao clings to me, her tears wetting my shoulders as a familiar but cold numbness covers me. Kurz had told me what happened between them…how one night the barriers erected by rank and inhibitions came down as through alcohol or desire (or both) they came together in sexual union. That knowledge alone made me uncomfortable because I didn't understand it but maybe because I was beginning to…and so now I knew why the loss of Kurz was even more of a tragedy and far more heartbreaking…the aching symbol of a love that would never be. As I lend comfort to her I try desperately not to think of my own situation…but unable to help it I do.

Sorrow…the emotion flows like an unending river; perpetual through the submarine Tuatha de Danaan and its skeleton crew, the one surviving sanctuary of the once omnipotent global peacekeeping organization Mithril; now a shadow of itself nearly wiped out by the ever expanding rogue Amalgam. Amalgam, who in one fell swoop had delivered blow after crushing blow on the members of Mithril that began with the unexpected defection of one Andrei Kalinin…the man who took me as a small child out of the plane wreck that killed my mother…and rescued me, trying to find a place for me until the KGB took me and turned me into soldier; an assassin…then brought me at the age of eight into a desolate existence in Afghanistan as a child to kill. It was there we reunited and in spite of his duties with Spetnaz was a surrogate father to me until Yaqob and Majid took me in after a failed assassination mission and taught me mercy and compassion. This was the life I remember that taught me to be a soldier…a fighter to the bitter end…

Mao finishes her cry as I awkwardly stand there allowing her to be supported by me. She's a soldier, like me and knows the battle (at least for now) is lost but the war goes on so she pleads for me not to die and I assure her that I won't. I can't. Because there's something I must do…and I'll risk everything to do it. She leaves me thinking this as I realize my eyes remain dry while an unforgettable face surfaces yet again…a beautiful face, full of life…

_Chidori…_

The briefing room on the TDD…a place as familiar to me as any other; a place where I sat with my comrades many an hour strategizing before missions as we prepared to fulfill our duties, on the side of justice…is now empty except for me. I sit in there utterly alone…alone as I've ever been…alone as I am always…

Down the hall a melancholy song plays from one of the crew's quarters…an old song; one that has haunting lyrics, words that stab me to the depths of my soul…

**Once I was a soldier **

**And I fought on foreign sands for you **

**Once I was a hunter **

**And I brought home fresh meat for you **

**Once I was a lover **

**And I searched behind your eyes for you **

**And soon there'll be another **

**To tell you I was just a lie…**

Played over and over the song merges with me as scenes of the past nine months flash in my mind. And again…I think about Chidori…Kaname. In my thoughts she's never far from me even though in the last nine months twice she's turned from me…

First, in Tokyo…when Leonard Testarossa unexpectedly showed up in her apartment on a night that I was going to heed Sempai Hayashimizu's words and take her away from a potentially volatile future situation. Holding her hand as we walked home our hearts were getting irrevocably entwined and the former student council president's words weighed heavy, prompting me to tell her what I realized but couldn't speak when we returned from that ill-fated Christmas Eve cruise. She invited me in for one of her delicious meals and we slipped our shoes off and stood in the door still holding hands, my heart pounded as I prepared to confess my feelings to her…then as we entered _he_ was there. Immediately seeing the threat I pushed Kaname behind me as I drew my gun, ready to blow him away. Yet he sat there calmly stating his intent; to take her on Amalgam's demand speaking to her in personal even intimate terms coaxing her to leave with him, declaring that he loved her as if I wasn't even there which drove me into a jealous rage. I shot at point blank range to splatter his brains but the bullet was thwarted by his black coat that moved to shield him…something he created as a high level Whispered. I clamped down my emotions as I thought of several counterattacks raising my gun to try again but much to my surprise Kaname stopped me as she confronted him. I was relieved to hear her say that she hated him and refused to go with him but the rat bastard cajoled and threatened then left with a parting shot at me…a malicious referral to the many lives I had taken in my former life. After Leonard left the tender mood between us was splintered…I reached to touch her and she recoiled from me, looking at me like I was a monster…his work was done. After that I again buried my affection for her and did my duty as her bodyguard as I got us out of there ASAFP. Using a contingency plan I had set up after the Pacific Chrysalis incident I spirited us away, heading to a predetermined spot where Geybo-9 would take us to the safety of Merida Island…that's when all hell broke loose…

Amalgam attacked…a blitzkrieg not only in peaceful Tokyo but at Merida Island and every Mithril outlet and base worldwide, including the headquarters in Sydney…their objectives clear to capture the ultimate prize and annihilate the one obstacle standing in their way…by any and all means regardless of innocent citizens lives being lost…merciless. They chased us, causing us to crash cornering us but we managed to escape until the grim news reached us regarding the attack on the base. But then Geybo-9 arrived carrying the Arbalest, giving me a chance not only for survival but victory…even as the helicopter, including its pilot, Eva Santos was blown to bits. Unaccustomed to the brutalities of warfare Kaname was shell-shocked by the tragedy but then she lost all will as she got the message on her PHS…the enemy attacked the students at Jindai High…with her best friend Kyouko Tokiwa as a hostage, strapped with C-4 explosives; a living bomb. The inhuman bastards then said that she would die along with the rest from bombs set up all over the school if Kaname didn't surrender herself to them which made Kaname shatter like a porcelain doll. I wanted to leave immediately in the Arbalest but she was insisting that I take her when I wanted to keep her out of harm's way, so I stun gunned her then knocked her out with a tranquilizer. I carried her to a water tower for safety but as I boarded the Arbalest Al told me I was making a wrong even malignant choice leaving her there…I ignored him and subsequently proved him right as I made the biggest mistake of my life. After making a call to my student council ally, former president Hayashimizu asking a favor I rushed to Jindai where pandemonium reined…students and teachers that had evacuated after Sempai had set off the fire alarm, citing one of my usual indiscretions as the cause and I remember feeling a bit put off as I wondered if I had truly evoked that level of fear the past ten months as I made my way to where Tokiwa was held…

Thinking back, I can see how my soldier's instinct was clouded by desperation borne of the undeniable love I have for Kaname…the love that consumes me even now. And when I had my first confrontation with Kurama as I rescued Tokiwa my hesitation to finish him off was a statement to myself and proof to those around her how much I yearned to be the man that she could love, worthy of someone like her…not the killing machine I was brought up to be, which would turn out to be another tragic mistake. My focus was on my objective after freeing Tokiwa; which was to go back to the water tower, retrieve Kaname, then with Merida currently under attack take her away with me…far away, some place I'd find for just the two of us. However, circumstances worked against me as I made it back to the Arbalest…still fighting as Amalgam forces had done their damnedest to destroy it the AI system…Al…had my fighting spirit. They barely made a mark as when I got there four Codarls arrived to finish the job. But the strength of that AS and my own determination destroyed the enemy as easily as we did in Hong Kong…as usual we made quite a team until…

A dark silver AS, that appeared from an Amalgam transport descended to where I was…and the smooth voice of the man who, in trying to take away my future by trying to take Kaname had become my archenemy spoke through the public comm. channel. Leonard Testarossa announced his arrival to me in the same condescending manner he had used in the apartment…as if he considered me as nothing more than a mere nuisance…an annoying gnat to be swatted away…and in the semi-wrecked Arbalest that's exactly what he did. He methodically tore my AS apart, as he tried to squash me like a bug…after all I was to him what he was to me…the enemy. When he had ripped open the cockpit even though I knew it was futile I used my nine to shoot at him and he was about to finish me when…

"_**STOP!"**_

She emerged out of the smoke of Chofu's destruction just as she did to me that daybreak in Hong Kong…fearless as always Kaname came up and confronted the winged demon who wanted to be the Angel of Death to send me to hell and begged Leonard to stop, that she'd go with him. Shocked and dismayed, I told her to stop but she just said "it's alright" and got into the hand of Testarossa's AS. In our last words to each other I declared to her that I would bring her back as she left, my heart smarting. As I watched him take my love away through the blood running in my eyes deep inside I knew why she had made the selfless choice…sacrificing herself to save her friends from Amalgam's rampage…and to save my life again just like she always did. I then realized my own choices had been completely selfish…I wanted her for myself and didn't care that the life that she had cherished…her peaceful world had been demolished because I refused to yield…more for myself then for any duty as a Mithril soldier and I had failed monumentally in both instances. So, with that heavy burden three days later I returned to Jindai and the classroom I had claimed as mine and amidst their outrage I told them everything…and vowed to bring Kaname back, turning away from that ephemeral peace that I had in Tokyo and back to the solitary and lonely life of a mercenary…

**And though you have forgotten **

**All of our rubbish dreams **

**I find myself searching **

**Through the ashes of our ruins**

I set off to become once again what I had eschewed…the cold focused Kashim who had been no better than an animal surviving, living only to fight. In order to gain back what I had lost… her and her world which I wanted to protect I needed to know Amalgam's next move. So I packed a few of my things and left Japan. For the next couple of months hired myself out for mercenary jobs, using the alias Sousky Segal…following rumors about possible Amalgam activity that would lead me to them but with Mithril out of the picture I needed the heavy artillery of an AS. I had heard about an arena in a town in southeast Asia called Namsak…where low end Savage model Arm Slaves, abandoned by the Soviets were being used in battles for spectator sport. An old acquaintance, Rick was there and I thought that he may help me. Although I was functioning with my soldier's instinct, deep inside I was still feeling the intense failure at my defeat and the Arbalest's destruction. I felt that was as good a place as any to get back into an Arm Slave and get back my confidence…so I headed there…and met Michel Lemon, who was to become a comrade…and Nami. Nami…she was so like Kaname in many ways…bold, resourceful, and beautiful, the leader to a group of vagabond AS mechanics and a brilliant mechanic herself; a ragtag group not unlike those I was with as I grew up in Afghanistan. I had heard about the fight in the arena where Rick was killed in a match and felt they could use my help as a specialist. So for three squares and a place to sleep I offered my services…and they let me in.

As I bonded with Nami and her group named Crossbow I saw that they competed in the arena to win prize money for parts to maintain their Savage AS. And as I joined them with my skills their victories increased and together we became a notorious force. I also helped Ash with maintenance and also helped by painting the thing which I tried to turn into my former partner when I painted it like the Arbalest. However, after I had won the first match with them and we were in a bar celebrating she told me that her goal was different…she wanted to assist her home village, to right the wrongs done in a senseless war in the loss of her family and to restore a happier time from the past…not unlike what I wanted to do in my quest to get back that idyllic life I had in Tokyo with _her_. But as time passed with Nami and her group a very strange and perplexing thing was happening…visions of that life were fading from my conscious. And even more chilling was that the image of that very important girl, the reason for my current actions had become dim as well…I couldn't remember what she looked like or even remember the color of her hair ribbon she had worn every day.

The first night I was with Crossbow it was apparent that they had enemies…those we defeated didn't appreciate being beaten. The pilot, a lowlife named Dao and his scum buddies…tried to take me out after I went to the cheap hotel I had planned to stay at that night…then went after Nami. I dispatched my attacker then after grilling him for information I headed to Nami's where Dao was abusing her…so I moved to turn the tables, taking his knife and persuading him to change his mind, nearly severing his carotid artery but only pricking him…another mistake that I would regret. She, Ash, Lemon and the others were grateful for my strength. But as our reputation was established, I saw that my presence was both a blessing and a curse…because now that I had appeared I was targeted by the very group that was my quarry…Amalgam…and as Crossbow continued to win matches with my help the spotlight on me grew. The corrupt police force; which I discovered later were Amalgam puppets…led by the pig-faced Chief threw me and Lemon in jail on trumped up charges, forcing me to fight in the ultimate match, the Yami Competition…to the death, threatening to kill Lemon if I refused…typical Amalgam bastards. So I agreed, conning then into believing I wanted money having made the transformation to weapon, icing my heart as I focused on battle. And loyal friends and comrades they all came to support me. For the briefest of moments; the twinkling of an eye my heart was drawn to Nami as she cheered me on while I prepared to fight. For that nano-second I wanted to forget everything; take Nami in my arms and make Namsak my new home, to seek another form of the normal life I now craved…

Nevertheless at that moment Kaname's image, her beautiful smile…the one that had been fading…came back to me strong and bright as guilt hit me like an enemy mortar…and made my focus clear again as she shimmered once more; the star in my memory. The entire reason I was here to begin with was to find Amalgam and her. Kaname…the one who had changed my life and made me human again, who had put into me the desire for a normal life, taught me how to care…how could I have forgotten her even for a moment…the most important person in my life? The probable answer was that a part of me had felt betrayed by her choosing another man; leaving with Leonard, even though deep down I knew why she did. And my stung ego had, for a split second tried to convince my heart to turn from her. But my heart had been lost to Kaname far too long and deep to stray and instantly turned back where it belonged as my objective…to get her back…was renewed and potent…driving me once again.

The match took place outside of Namsak in a village to the north called Munamera…and the place known as the Arena where I found out that the pig Chief and his flunkies were part of Amalgam…small potatoes but connected as I saw they had me pitted against a third generation M-9 Gernback. In my low end Savage, even with Nami's improvements I was woefully mismatched…I knew then the plan was to kill me. But as the fight ensued my skills won out over my opponent's superior equipment and when I confronted my defeated opponent I saw a former Mithril comrade; a leftover of Amalgam's attempt to annihilate us who was trying to survive…George Laplock, a sergeant in the Mediterranean SRT force who agreed to supply information on Mithril's AS's to survive…a true mercenary. And since I seriously wounded him he was more than willing to supply me with valuable information of Amalgam's vast operations…something to help me hone in on where Kaname could be.

However, unknown to me at the time, my nemesis from the attack in Tokyo Kurama had been watching from a remote area…Laplock told me this…and moved in his typical despicable way. The Chief and his flunkies had taken Crossbow to a pig farm to hold them until after the match. When I won they tried to kill my friends but Lemon's DGSE French intelligence associates thwarted them. Ash, Lemon and the rest of Crossbow managed to escape but that piece of shit Kurama did what all cowards do…he took Nami as a bargaining chip to force me to confront him…to finish our battle started in Tokyo when he had used Kyouko Tokiwa the same way. He gave me the count of ten to come and face him, while holding Nami in front and as he counted down I hesitated, trying to think of a way that would save her and keep me alive. Because I knew that he wanted to kill me, my death had become for him the ultimate prize and even if I managed to rescue Nami I knew I wouldn't escape unscathed and maybe end up dead. But if that happened then who would continue the fight? Who would take Kaname back? With these thoughts I hesitated as he counted on...

But he knew he had me over a barrel and just as I was about to move at the last second the bastard shot her…in cold blood, in the head, the heart, the stomach…the prick just riddled her with bullets as I watched in fury and then as he gloated in despicable words referring to her he went even farther. He then began to taunt me further by saying how he knew where Kaname was then proceeded to relay in lewd detail how he planned to violate "my important woman"…when he saw her. How he planned to take her away from Leonard and defile her, describing in the vilest graphic terms. That was it…not only did this son of a bitch disgrace Nami as he murdered her…but to speak such filth about _her_…I lost it literally as with my Carbine rifle I began to come out but the Chief's army rushed forward to attack at the same time so while I was occupied with disposing the small fry Kurama made his escape in a car with the Chief, heading back to Namsak as I emptied the magazine after them. Then I saw Lemon, Ash, and the rest of the team come to Nami's broken body…

I watched as Lemon knelt down and cradled her as he openly wept…filled with guilt for dragging Nami into my fight and then allowing her to be a sacrifice I too wanted to cry but found myself unable to do it so I just stood by. The others confronted me, demanding why I didn't save her…calling me inhuman. But I was indifferent to their accusations and the sad surroundings as I began to devise my next plan…to go after Kurama, not to avenge Nami's death but to confront him and demand and torture him until he told me where Kaname was…then kill him. My goal it seemed was unchanged…to rescue the woman I love no matter the cost…to myself or others as I knew to meet Kurama…an assassin made in the same mold as myself could be suicide. But I also knew that in order to fulfill my promise to Kagurazaka-sensei and the rest of our class…to bring Kaname back to her happiness…I had to survive. So I asked the team to help me repair the worn out Savage Crossbow and I left for Namsak to find him...

When I got there they were waiting for me…the Chief had amassed an army of Arm Slaves to take me on, almost as if they had read my mind. Ten units…all pilots from matches in the Arena, all former opponents…including that scum Dao that I let live that time he attacked Nami…were lying in wait. This time, however he was killed as he was crowing over my apparent defeat…the last obstacle before my intended target…Kurama. But I had not emerged unscathed…the battle with Dao that had finished off Crossbow had dealt me some injuries…not fatal but serious enough to be of concern as bleeding I entered the soccer stadium that was my battlefield.

As I approached my enemy my mind teemed with activity, searching for reasons as to why I wanted to kill him. I had just killed ten men without hesitation; means to an end the end being killing Kurama…but why? Didn't I just want information of Kaname's whereabouts? Or was it revenge for his ruthless murder of Nami? I really didn't know. Then as I pondered the sound of a gunshot that was aimed at my head brought me out of my thoughts as I ducked…the battle had begun. The chase ensued through the stadium; two highly trained assassins each trying to kill or avoid being killed…the ultimate game of survival. Then as he disappeared either fatigue or injury (or both) dulled my senses and I entered the announcer's booth…then made my way to the back hall to a door marked "Authorized Personnel Only" and opened the door, realizing too late that my enemy was Kurama…a carbon copy of me, an expert in demolitions and that he had set a trap…the iron door opened and an explosion sent me flying in a blue-white flash that knocked me into the trash cans by the wall. Dazed and with a dislocated left shoulder I staggered forward into the smoke, using my rifle to support me as Kurama faced me and fired at me at point blank range, his rifle blasting me in my stomach, penetrating my bulletproof AS suit. I fell and as I saw him move in to finish me off several shots fired as others came after him. Given the respite, I went in the gallery behind the trash cans…hung on clutching my open belly…and waited. As I knew what I would do I waited for him to return…and as he did I raised my rifle…and blew two holes in him. My shots hit him in the chest sending him to his knees but as he drew his final breaths I confronted him to demand where Kaname was. He told me, then his reaction was to scorn me, asking why I was so determined, even half dead to save her mocking "the power of love" as my reason. And I, barely able to stand or hang on to consciousness, the blood rushing from my belly answered honestly and without hesitation "Why couldn't it be?" as he died and I finally collapsed.

The power of love…Kurama my enemy like Guaron before him had correctly acertained what had become my Achilles Heel. Since meeting Kaname my intents and priorities had changed…instead of living to fight, to be the perfect warrior I was now living to save her…to bring her back to her world of peace and ordinary living…and hopefully share it with her as an ordinary man, by her side. That became my new objective…and my dream; a dream I clung to as Lemon and his DGSE comrades treated my near fatal wounds and I hovered between life and death. A dream I still cling to despite the odds. Amalgam tried to kill me again as I recovered from my wounds, considering me their greatest threat (rightfully so) but they failed as my will to obtain my dream relentlessly drove me…it still does. Beside that, I have a promise to keep…

With those thoughts I spot a pad of paper and pen on the table at the head of the room and acting on a whim I get up to pick it up. As I go back to sit again the desire to put my feelings into context, to better understand the outpouring of emotion that is bubbling inside of me…is overwhelming. I'm not one to just spill things out normally but as the thoughts and feelings swirl within my pen moves over the surface of the paper in a letter…to her…

_Dear Kaname,_

_What can I say to you? 'I'm sorry' seems so inadequate yet it's the only thing I can say because I AM sorry…again I've broken the promise to protect you because I allowed myself to become weak…I was selfish…allowing everything to come to pass because I wanted your world to be mine. I allowed Kurama the assassin Amalgam sent to live after I stopped him from killing Tokiwa…and he came back to kill again…and nearly killed me. The scar he left on my chest is a constant reminder of my blunders in this but the greatest reminder of my failure is that you're still gone. You're gone and I don't know where you are…and it's killing me. _

_I keep remembering so many things…happy memories of our life at Jindai…I enjoyed every minute there with you, living a normal adolescent life in Tokyo so much I almost forgot what I really was…what I really am…a killer. That life was an escape for me until Leonard Testarossa reminded me by stealing you away from me, taking you place after place, luring me to follow like a cat and mouse. He's done it three times now and I swear when I see him again I will employ every mode of torture I know to make him suffer the longest, most painful death when I send him to hell. And especially this last time as I know he was controlling your mind through this Sophia you mentioned while you tried to kill me and Tessa…he'll pay double for trying to turn someone like you into a killer. _

_When we were trapped in the collapsed elevator shaft at the abandoned chemical plant Yamsk 11 after the helicopter crash Testarossa and I entered into a stalemate…bitter rivals in love and war; enemies that tried to kill each other, who wanted to kill each other were forced into cooperating to remain alive. So Leonard and I worked as allies and dug ourselves out. While we did he informed me of his plan…how he planned to take complete control of Amalgam and intended to use what was at the plant, the Omni-Sphere to utilize the power of the Whispereds by tapping into the ultimate Whispering…you…to bring about a new world order. As I listened to him and the maniacal plans he had for you I had been disturbed…not because of his plans for the world but because he made it clear to me through his blathering that I was on another, far more inferior level…and I would never understand your role in the grand scheme…in other words I wasn't a part of that and could never be. And as we finally freed ourselves and I let him go I began to wonder if I had the right to relegate you to an ordinary life of falling in love, giving birth and growing old…the life I now yearned to share with you. But then I remembered what we said to each other on that wireless link when I came to the mansion in Mexico to rescue you…and determined to find you before he did. _

_When I found Lemon and he told me that you were with Tessa my heart burst as I only thought of seeing you again and taking you in my arms…then I saw you with Tessa…but something was wrong. You had a gun and had Tessa as a hostage and then did the unthinkable…shot her in cold blood, in the head, killing her…then proclaiming your love for me you did the same to me. Trying desperately to get to you I died by your hand…but as you escaped I miraculously came to…it was all an illusion as I saw that Tessa was alive as well. It was the work of the Omni-Sphere, controlling your mind and I wanted to follow after you but the enemy descended…Kurz was killed and we barely escaped to the TDD. And here we are now, grieving as we had to leave him behind._

_As I write this I'm here all alone in the briefing room, Kaname. Mao just left me, breaking down on my chest like a little girl, crying. She and Kurz became lovers recently; before we left for Russia he had told me all about it. I really didn't fully understand when he told me about their relationship but now, seeing Mao's reaction to his disappearance I do because I keep thinking about you… _

I continue writing as the song continues and the verse just magnifies my feelings…

**For the days when we smiled **

**And the hours that ran wild **

**With the magic of our eyes **

**And the silence of our words**

_I'm numb by everything that happened and it seems I still can't shed tears, even for Kurz, who was like a brother to me. I again ask myself where you are and remember how when we were together you helped me discover things like laughter and joy…and I wish you were here to help me cry…because if you were here I could cry, I know it. You'd put your arms around me and I'd lay my head on your shoulder and feel free to fall apart and grieve like an ordinary man…but you're gone and I don't know where or even how to find you. And even here on the de Danaan everything reminds me of you…the memories haunt me from that time I brought you here as I see you everywhere. I can't even fish anymore because I think of that wonderful thirty minutes we spent together almost a year ago, at my secret fishing place on the base on Merida Island. Now that's gone too…just like you. All those precious memories that seem like a lifetime ago are all that's left to me._

_Your last words to me before you shot Tessa and me were that you wanted to make a better world…almost the same thing Leonard told me as we burrowed our way out of the collapsed shaft. And when you shot me in the head and I felt myself die I swore I heard you say as you did on the wireless comm. when you were spirited away in Mexico…__**Don't worry. But, don't be reckless. I'll definitely wait for you, so don't worry**__. My heart then knew that the real you…the honest, true, and strong girl that I love so much was still there inside you. Leonard and the Omni-Sphere hadn't completely overtaken you but again you've slipped through my fingers._

_Where are you now, Kaname? What are you doing…what are you thinking? Am I still in your heart, deep in a place where the mind control tricks of that bastard Leonard can't reach to destroy? Do you still remember that cold night when we walked home from school holding hands or in Mexico on the wireless when I told you I loved you and we made the promise to kiss? Or has he succeeded in wiping me totally from your mind? _

**And sometimes I wonder **

**Just for a while **

**Will you ever remember me?**

_I can't…no, I WON'T believe that you'd let go of what we share. Our hearts now joined won't be torn apart so easily no matter what Whispered induced deception he uses. I remember the promise we made to each other, which I intend to keep and I expect you do too…I long for that day to come, so I can hold you and kiss you. And as I said I will definitely come and get you…so please keep waiting for me. I love you. _

_Sousuke_

The letter is finished. As I read it over I realize writing it was a therapy of sorts and I fold it up, wondering if I'll ever have the chance to give it to Kaname…if she'll ever read it. Because even if I do manage to get her back the doubts…demons of my mind planted by Leonard's confident words prick at me, tormenting me as I see again the chasm between us. Besides that, what if it's too late and she's decided to fulfill his twisted destiny? Being a soldier I am first a realist and see the potential for danger and face the fact that the option exists that I may never see her again. So with that thought my aching heart sings along with the melancholy song…

**Will you ever remember me?**

**END**


End file.
